Worry is actually a waste of time, energy, and focus. I know it feels so real. I know it is a possibility. I know you think you’re preventing something bad; but what is actually happening is your body is experiencing “the feared bad” that may or may not ever happen with none of the equipment to solve a problem that is not actually present.
It’s interesting to me that when people go through ‘the bad,’ they seem to have what they need to do it, but never before; before we cannot even imagine. Like the mom who lifts a car off her child; she must. Have you ever looked back and wondered, ‘I do not even know how I made it.’ I have, and I know it’s because at the time I had no other choice but to act. Worry has not action; it is frozen fear.
Worry is never productive. In fact, it’s destructive! It causes the body to experience whatever the worry is. Worse yet, not only does the body experience the feared thing as if it were happening, it experiences it as a threat to your survival. Meaning your body responds like you could actually die from this.
This threat is like a tiger is in the room. Clear and present danger lurks. You freeze and focus intently on the moves of the tiger, preparing for what you’ll need to do to survive.
The sympathetic nervous system is activated and for good cause; you were made for survival. The sympathetic response, often called fight-or-flight, produces a release of cortisol and adrenaline or noradrenaline which prepare the body for intense muscle-based activation. The sympathetic response stimulates pupil dilation, increased blood pressure with blood flow to less needed organs being restricted while increased blood is pumped to the muscles, induces sweating, reduction to tears and salivation, vision and hearing are restricted, executive function (logical thinking and planning) is decreased, and your digestion and sexual interest is halted.
We often do not even ask ourselves what is it that I fear will happen? When I ask clients this question the most common response is, “I don’t know.” We don’t know? Yet, our brain and body are responding like we’re going to die.
Like an engine revved up at the starting line waiting to begin a race with no idea when the race will begin. Both feet on the pedals, gas and brakes engaged. How long can a car run like that? A body in this state is where panic attacks occur.
Additionally, because we are so imaginative and we can think faster than a computer, we think of every possible scenario, but only every possible negative scenario, because we are going to plan for and prevent them all.
Often people believe that they can prevent the bad thing from happening if they worry about it, if they come up with strategies to address it, if they prepare for it. The problem is, as we meditate on the feared thing, we are marinating in it, soaking into our bodies like sponges soaking up water. The water takes up all the space and the sponge is so full it cannot soak up anything else. If we do not wring it out, when it is time to soak up an actual spill, there is no room to do it. Like a shaken up can of pop, one more thing and we blow, thus ‘the short fuse,’
Additionally, when the sponge is dripping water, when our minds are dripping with negativity, there is no room to soak up anything good. We need the good. Even in the middle of the hard, we need the balancing reminder of the good.
Prevention of possible threat is increased alertness, not powerless worry.
When an actual problem arises, we will solve it. If an emergency appears, we will not be worrying. We will not even be thinking, we will be responding. Consider the last time your car slipped on ice, or something ran out in front of you. How long did you worry before responding? Not at all. You responded immediately, automatically. You will next time too.
Worrying is like being on a merry-go-round. Remember being on a merry-go-round? Our waiting people pass so quickly with each round that we can hardly see them, and we can’t focus enough to see anything else. This is worrying, the mind goes round and round, twirling so quickly we cannot focus on anything real; we can no longer even see what is real, all we see are pretend horses and dragons (the what ifs).
Living anxiously is like getting all dressed up like a firefighter, with the heavy, bulky, bright suit, full helmet with face shield, and all the necessary equipment, trying to do everyday life while prepped to put out the fire when there isn’t even any evidence of smoke…but there could be.
It’s distracting, overwhelming, heavy, and makes us miss everything good, as we live in a constant state of fight or flight…just in case.
Knowing this, hold yourself and others who may struggle with anxiety with compassion, it feels so real. But every time you catch your mind running away on the ‘what if’s’, picture yourself all dressed up like a firefighter shopping in Target.
Some hopefully helpful actions:
Next time you catch yourself worrying, ask yourself:
- Is this an emergency: if you have time to ask, it is not, but it’s important for you to tell your brain.
- What do I actually fear?
- Will you or anyone die from this?
- Is there something you can do right now to prevent a feared outcome? Do that.
- Tell yourself:
This is not happening now.
I can only do what I can do.
What other people think does not change the truth.
If a problem arises, I’ll handle it then, I have up until this point. - Activate the parasympathetic nervous system with deep and slow breathing or yawning (activates the Vagus Nerve*), using body energy in exercise or movement, progressive muscle relaxation, wiggle your jaw (it’s likely clinched), distraction with things that require focus and thought, journal, art, talk a walk in nature and look for beautiful things, gratitude, laughter, talk with helpful friends.
- more information on the Vagus Nerve can be found at https://www.verywellhealth.com/vagus-nerve-anatomy-1746123)
- more information on anxiety disorders can be found at https://www.verywellhealth.com/anxiety-symptoms-5086955