It came to me during a session, as my idea’s usually do, that having relationships with people can be a lot like making our way in changing weather. Some people are like sunshine and a warm breeze and some are like a winter snowstorm; we can’t control the weather, but we can certainly adjust our approach.
People differ like the weather. Some are summer, others fall, others winter, and still other’s spring. Most people, probably all, have a pattern of behavior just like the weather, we can know what to expect by what usually happens. There are those that are mostly sunny with the sudden, or not so sudden, stormy weather here and there, and they just need a little time to be overcast. Then there are those who are a regular storm with all the impact. And just like we don’t take the weather personally, it’s liberating to approach the differences in people with the same objectivity.
Sometimes I walk out of my door and literally ask myself why I live in Minnesota. Though I think it should always be breathing weather, where my face doesn’t hurt, warm and bright, it is not! And I may want to just stay inside and avoid it all, but I cannot. I still need to show up. So, it is just better if I check the weather and adjust myself to meet it. I cannot go to the beach just because I think I should be able to, and insisting will cause even more problems. Can you imagine me at the beach in the middle of a winter storm? Let me help.
Thank you, virtual reality!
Some of our relationships are like this. We think they should be, act, talk, or respond a certain way, but they do not, and we continuously struggle with sadness and disappointment as we wrestle with this. Hopefully your closest chosen relationships are not this way, the goal is mutually responsive. But many have family or co-workers who say things or do things that hurt. Maybe not intentionally, but like a storm, can cause damage. If this is their usual behavior, we can expect it and prepare for it rather than try to change it. We can know it is just how they are and does not change the truth about us. We can put on our rain gear, limit our time in the elements, and limit what information or energy we bring to keep their storm from soaking the inside of our home. We can have warm calm internally, while “Baby, it’s cold outside.”
Acceptance is the Umbrella: Just as we adapt our clothing to the weather, we can adapt our expectations and responses to the behavior of those around us. Think of acceptance as your umbrella. When it feels like someone is dumping rain on you, you do not need to accept “well, I guess I’m getting wet.” Instead, we can just pull out our umbrella and accept that I do not make it stop raining, I make it stop raining on me!
Setting Boundaries: Much like we use the right clothes for the matching weather conditions, we can set healthy boundaries to protect our well-being. If someone consistently exhibits behaviors that don’t align with our values or that make us uncomfortable, it’s perfectly okay to set boundaries, which means I move, not I change them. It’s not about changing them, but about safeguarding our internal weather, our emotional well-being.
Requesting Sunshine, but Embracing the Rain: Just as we might wish for sunny weather, we can express our needs and desires in relationships. However, just as we can’t control the rain, we can’t control others’ responses. If they choose not to meet our expectations, it’s not a personal rain cloud; it’s simply their weather pattern. Sometimes, it’s about having a colorful umbrella and cute rain boots rather than expecting the clouds to part.
Dress According to the Forecast: In the same way we prepare for a chilly day or a scorching afternoon, we can tailor our interactions based on what we know about someone’s usual behavior. Expecting consistency rather than sudden changes allows us to approach relationships with a sense of stability. When we expect what we usually get, rather than what we believe we should get, we are more prepared for the conditions and are less damaged when it is done. Just as with notice of an approaching storm, we do not stand out demanding the storm to stop, unless we’re Jesus. But since we’re not, we can head for cover and shut all the windows! When we accept how someone usually acts, without trying to change them, we are not only showing them love and acceptance, we are finding peace in the midst of it.
Taking Shelter: When the weather turns harsh, we seek refuge indoors. Similarly, when faced with toxicity or negativity, it’s crucial to retreat to our internal sanctuary. Don’t let the storm outside flood your home—your inner world. Surround yourself with positivity, self-love, and the warmth of your own understanding. How others act, what they say, or how they treat you does not change what is true about you, it only speaks of what is true about them. With a little prep, we can often be safely in the storm without getting wet.
So, my friends, the next time you find yourself caught in the rain of someone else’s emotions or negative opinions or the fog of uncertainty in a relationship, remember to adjust your emotional umbrella. Adapt, accept, and dress for the weather.
