I was in session today and my client said, “I was reading back on my notes from our sessions last year and you had said Manage the gift. So that’s my focus for this year; manage the gift.”
That’s good, I should write that down:)
Let me explain what is meant by managing the gift. We so often hear others say, or say to ourselves, “I am so terrible at…” or “I really need to work on…”
Along our journey of becoming the best we can be, we can find ourselves focusing on our weaknesses, working hard to make them as they “should be.” We see others good at something and decide we must be lacking. However, if we shifted our perspective and spent our time and energy on our own strengths (often the opposite end of the weakness), we would excel with much less effort.
We may all know the saying, “We should not judge a fish by how well it can fly.” I would add, a fish spending its time and energy to learn to fly is a waste; and all that time and energy spent trying to fly has distracted from the development of the gift. Swim little fish, swim!
The concept of “managing the gift” encourages us to focus on our strengths, recognizing that we cannot be great at everything; we don’t get to have all the gifts. Management knows that it is more efficient to accept and excel at what we are naturally good at and hire out what we are not. The only reason to spend time on our weakness is because it harms us or someone else.
We are all part of a bigger community, if we all did what we were good at, what a fine machine that would be; all the parts taking care of each other.
Embracing Your Strengths
We are all good at something – The qualities, skills, or attributes that come naturally to us are our gifts. I believe these gifts were planted in us when God knit us together in our mother’s womb, not fully developed or necessarily working for our good yet, but there, like a tiny seed ready to grow.
My daughter is vivacious. She is lively and exciting and as a little girl all the little friends would follow her. So much so that even when we were homeschooling, a school bus drove by and a little girl yelled her name out the window as we played in the front yard. Like, how does she even know that girl, lol. She grew up sparkly and spontaneous and unafraid. This spontaneity untethered can be called impulsiveness which can and has gotten her into some spaces that she never meant to be. From the outside, or even from within, we could look at this impulsiveness and think, this is bad, we need to get rid of it. But the truth is, it just needs training and development. It needs to be recognized, accepted and used for good. Impulsiveness with training becomes spontaneous, brave, confident tenacity and excels in many ways.
Impulsiveness, with management, is a gift! It does big things because it does not fear failure (it doesn’t even consider it.) Yes, it makes lots of mistakes (often the only thing we notice) because it will try everything. But it can also achieve great success because it will try anything. It does so fast and without the delay of overthinking or fear of failure. This very thing that has brought struggle through development, when fully accepted and refined becomes an incredible strength.
Rather than fixating on what we lack, managing the gift is to identify, acknowledge, and embrace our strengths, developing and refining as needed. By doing so, we become comfortable at being us. We become great at being ourselves, less anxious and more successful.
Change the Focus
It’s time to notice that often our weaknesses are the other end of the spectrum of our strengths. For example, well organized, systematic people (who we seem to highly admire in our culture) are often less creative, spontaneous, and flexible and more stressed; while, the disorganized, forgetful, maybe a bit scattered people are less stressed (except for the judgment of self and others, and the expectation of what they should be); they are more creative, spontaneous, and flexible. We need both of these types of people for the smoothest running, most successful systems.
Don’t Waste Your Beautiful Gift Working on Weaknesses
Trying to turn every weakness into a strength is time-consuming and exhausting and we almost always fall short. While addressing weaknesses that cause harm to the well-being of ourselves or others is essential, it’s equally important to recognize when it’s more efficient to hire out the things that fall within our weak areas, or at least, lower our expectations, ‘yeah, not my gift.’ This not only saves time but allows others who excel in those areas to shine.
Operating in Your Gift
Operating in your gift means aligning your activities and responsibilities with your strengths. It’s about finding joy and fulfillment in what comes naturally to you. Whether it’s creativity, leadership, listening, communicating, art, sports, empathy, organization, flexibility, or analytical thinking – accepting and developing your gift increases self-confidence, efficiency, and success.
Practical Steps to Manage the Gift
- Strengths Assessment:
- Conduct a self-assessment to identify your strengths. Recognize what activities or tasks bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment.
- Appreciate the Differences and Hire Out:
- When needed, seek support for the things that fall within your weak areas from those that you have noticed those strengths in. This is an act of kindness, what an honor to be noticed and appreciated for what you are good at. This allows you to focus on what you do best and stop beating yourself up for what you do not. Rarely is one both organized and creative. I mean, figure out a system to be functional, but stop trying to be excellent at both. And appreciate the strengths of others; the creative may think the organized is too rigid and confining and the organized may feel the creative is a hot mess and unpredictable. Neither is the truth, or maybe both are; but we are not all a size 2 either, so get comfortable with the differences and know that, just as not everyone is comfortable in a size 2, not everyone will comfortably fit into doing things as you or I do. This is neither right nor wrong, it’s just a different size. Let’s not crush with criticism another’s way of doing things just because it isn’t our size. Watch and see, they do great things too.
- Continuous Improvement:
- Focus on improving weaknesses only when they are causing harm to your life or others. Otherwise, redirect your efforts towards refining and expanding your strengths. Think of your gift like a wild horse, powerful and possibly dangerous, but with training, it will become an amazing comfort and force.
- Accept and Celebrate:
- Accept and celebrate your strengths and the strengths of those around you. Notice the language you use to describe the trait (Impulsive or spontaneous, rigid or self-discipline). The language we use tells us and other’s how to feel about the gift. Be proud of your successes, and celebrate the successes of others, without comparison; this positive reinforcement enhances motivation and self-confidence.
Remember, managing the gift is not about ignoring weaknesses but about figuring out how to live most efficiently with them. It is about knowing, accepting, and refining your strengths, calling out the strengths of others, and appreciating the differences. So, unwrap your gift, embrace your strengths, and watch the magic unfold.