I think we are hearing more and more about mental health but not clearly able to define what is significant from what is normal. Given that there is no formal blood test to objectively identify anxiety, it can be a difficult distinction. Anxiety is something we all experience so how do we know when it is a problem?
The difference:
First, let’s talk about the difference between being diagnosed with anxiety and experiencing everyday worries. You know, those moments when your mind decides to get on the bus with a destination sign that reads ‘what if everything goes wrong.’ Before we know it, we find ourselves at a destination that we did not intend, wrapped in the overwhelming darkness and instability of all the possible ways ‘something is going to go wrong.’
Anxiety as a Diagnosis
The diagnosis of anxiety is like having a ticket to a rollercoaster you didn’t sign up for and can’t get off. It’s that bus named above that never stops. It’s a more persistent and intense experience that can significantly impact various aspects of your life. It’s like having a noisy crazy person in your head who just won’t shut up. It is fast and extreme and often results in ‘then I died’ or ‘then you died.’ It takes over the whole body, and at its extreme results in panic attacks. A panic attack is not just feeling very anxious, it is a body sensation that feels much like a heart attack with rapid heart rate, pain in the chest, and difficulty breathing and very often brings people to the ER. It is that scary.
General Worry or Feeling Anxious
On the flip side, being anxious or worried is more like taking a short detour on the scenic route of life. It’s a normal human experience that we all share. It’s the thoughts that enter to say, ‘what if they don’t like me?’ or ‘what if I fail?’ or ‘what if I’m late’ or ‘what if I’m not good enough?’ or ‘what if i don’t have enough money?’ And so on. These worries tell us…we care about these things. They motivate us to avoid them which typically leads to success in our efforts.
This type of anxiety motivates us to prepare for challenges and make thoughtful decisions. The key is finding a balance and not letting these worries be the crazy driver of our life. Sometimes it is just time to tell them to get in the back seat and shut up. Imagine they are the funny looking neighbor and walk away. I often just picture shutting a door and saying ‘nope!’ They come back but I just repeat, distract, choose different thoughts, or say to myself, ‘All I can do is all I can do, my best is all I have.’
Capital A Anxiety
Again, when we’re talking about anxiety with a capital ‘A,’ it’s a bit like having that noisy crazy person move in permanently. It can affect your daily life, relationships, and overall well-being. It sounds more like, ‘I cannot let my mom take my children because what if she gets in an accident and then they can’t drive and then a bear comes and devours them?’ or ‘you didn’t answer my call, you were dead and buried.’ And even though we can know logically it’s not likely true we cannot get past the vivid image, body sensation and belief that it is true. Getting an anxiety diagnosis doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable—it means you’re strong enough to seek help to learn skills, address biology, and or resolve trauma.
Conclusion
So, here’s the takeaway: experiencing worries is a universal human experience, like catching a few raindrops on your umbrella. But when those raindrops turn into a downpour and start flooding your mind like a hurricane, it might be time to chat with a professional who can help you weather the storm.
Anxious people are good people. They often live by solid rules and want to do it “right”, control the outcome, and prevent the ‘bad thing from happening’ it’s just not always clear what the right thing to do is or how to prevent. Anxious people do not seek to ‘get out of things’ that they are responsible for; they show up scared. They just think and dream fast and vividly and rarely are their thoughts or dreams without threat.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for support, it is actually so brave, whether you’re dealing with everyday worries or facing a more persistent anxiety challenge. We’re all in this together, riding our emotional waves. Talk about it, it often sounds different when we say it aloud. Invite a trusted someone into it, it is often helpful to hear another perspective and always helpful to have the support.
For the Support People
For the supporters of those with anxious thoughts. Be a safe place to share by avoiding giving advice, implying or telling them their crazy, or saying the opposite of what their saying in any way. They are already hard on themselves; this just reinforces it increasing the isolation of the person and the power of the anxiety. Instead, just listen. Just care. Affirm that it is hard and support any seeking of professional services. When anxious people can talk it out, it’s like letting air out, it shrinks and loses power, even if just for the moment, and they can often more clearly identify what is true from what is anxiety.